Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Parents: The Final Frontier

How To Impress Her Parents...

  

You're getting along with her well. Her friends all – or at least mostly – approve. You've probably even slept with her at this point, depending on how your relationship is, and you're feeling pretty darn confident that it's going well.
Then you're blind sided. "Do you have any plans for Friday night, sweetie?" She asks innocently, brushing her hair back from her face and flashing large, caring eyes.
"Nope." You answer, wondering what exciting, romantic, and possibly kinky things she has in mind for you. Reign in it, boy, it's not going to be fun.
"Good. My parents invited us over to dinner at eight." Freeze. Backtrack – did she say parents? Meeting the parents?
It can be miserable… this seemingly innocent dinner can and will decide your fate. It's the difference between having a chance to stay with her for the rest of your life, or being kicked to the curb while having your manhood cut off by her fathers carving knife.
You can prepare yourself, though. It doesn't have to be bad – no matter how her parents are, you can come out of it alive (And with your little man intact).

Do Your Research
The first thing you need to do is your research. Make your girl a cup of tea and sit down with her. Remember the vital questions, before branching out to those that are more personal.
  • Names
  • Occupations
  • What do they know about you already?
  • What are they like? (Strict right wingers, throw back hippies…)
  • How have they reacted to your other ex boyfriends?
  • What were some mistakes that they made?
  • How should I dress to impress them? Do they appreciate comfort, as in jeans and a nice shirt, or dress pants, a good button down shirt, and stylish blazer?
  • What are you going to be wearing?
  • Is your dad a geek type, or a military type?
  • Are any of your siblings going to be there?
After your girlfriend has answered the basic questions (And you might want to take notes!), you should branch out with specifics, like 'Does your mother know about that time in Mexico when I got arrested?', 'Did you ever mention to your dad that time when I got real drunk, and woke up naked with four other guys?', or even 'Please tell me your parents don't know about that one time in Tahiti when..', well, you get the idea.
Dress to Impress
The jeans you wore when you and your buddy painted his house last week, and that tee shirt that taught you a few new curse words aren't exactly the best attire for… well… anything that has to do with her parents. Avoid anything 'ratty', 'dirty', 'worn', and 'shabby'.
If you're going casual, a comfortable, clean, new-looking tee shirt or polo with a pair of jeans that aren't too tight, with a black blazer thrown over works well. For something that's a little dressier, wear a suit, but skip the tie. It screams 'I'm comfortable around you, and not afraid to be myself'. Even if you are.
Get your hair trimmed, cut and clean out your nails, and wash your face. With the good stuff that she bought you, not the same soap you use to wash under your arms.
Wear a soft, but masculine, cologne, and avoid anything too feminine.
Overall
Be ready for the worst, but go in expecting the best. A firm handshake for her father, and a light hug with a kiss on the cheek for her mother is best. Don't be afraid to answer their questions honestly, and never act like a 'yes' man.
One final word of advice? Be yourself. She cares about you for a reason… treat her right in front of them, be yourself around them, and you're sure to be a hit.

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